EXTRACTS
FROM
TOURIST GUIDE TO KAROVIA
Nestling in a wide, fertile valley between the
Carpathian and Balkan Mountains, at the Eastern tip of the Plain of
Hungary lies the Kingdom of Karovia.
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The
River Danube flows through its capital, Zodov, on its way to the Black
Sea. During the hard winter period Karovia is only
accessible to the most intrepid of explorers due to its heavy
snowfall, but travel to this remote kingdom is possible by river or track
during the summer months, though the railway has yet to be introduced.
Horse-drawn carriages represent the only viable means of transport
and as such the kingdom is often omitted by young nobles on the Grand
Tour, whose haste to reach sunnier climes overrides their quest for
culture.
King Olav is often seen in the summer on his private launch |
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CLIMATE
Christmas day at the Hermitage |
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Typical of an Eastern European mountain country,
Karovia endures cold, snowy winters and warm, balmy summers and has an
abundance of butterflies and wild flowers, the most prolific of which is
the dandelion. |
Karovia is believed to have originated with the
foundation of a hermitage by a pious monk named Carovius who was fleeing
from the persecutors of the Emperor Diocletian in the fourth century A.D.
The first mention of a state is in 795 AD when Charlemagne granted the
fiefdom of these lands to his aide de camp Count Rudolf von Pfaffen in
recompense for his services during the Austrian Wars.
Count Rudolf, from whom the present Royal Family is descended,
created the independent kingdom now known as Karovia. His descendant,
Count Ferdinand von Pfaffen, fought with Otto I to defeat the Magyars at
Lechfeld in 955 A.D. It was
Ferdinand who built the present castle and his son Olav I (The
Magnificent), who as first King of Karovia, founded the Pfaffenburg Royal
House. Since that time
all sovereigns are named Olav, irrespective of gender, and are known more
by their reputations and for their achievements than by their numbers.
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HISTORY
Apprentices to the Palace Horse Guard |
Olav the Valiant fought with Richard Coeur de Lion in the Crusades
against Saladin in 1194. Olav
the Awful was responsible for the Wars of the Dandelions through his
repressive regime in the 14th century. The wars were eventually concluded
in 1374. Matters were equally bad under the indolent rule of
Olav the Lazy a century later, when Karovia became a vassal state of
Bulgaria and lost some of its territory.
Olav The Great, fought with the Holy Roman Emperor, Charles V in the
1540’s but sadly his temperament was not inherited by his son Olav The
Weak, who was deposed by his Queen, Olav The Evil in 1576.
Her reign proved to be the most bloodthirsty in Karovian history.
It was Olav The Fat’s marriage to a Prussian princess that opened up
European trade in the 18th century.
Olav the Wise father of the present Czar, Olav XXIV, established
the present constitution in 1856. |
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ECONOMY
Its main income comes from the cultivation of the
national flower, the dandelion, its coffee, from the roots, and its wine
from the flowers are a thriving industry, but the main export is the
potent tonic, extracted from the milk which is found in the stem of the
flower. Beneficial properties as a laxative were discovered in 1741 by
Doctor Peeovski, Karovia’s leading scientist, and are now exported
worldwide.
Karovia is also celebrated for its cheeses, made from
goats and ewe’s milk, and no visitor can return home without one of the
exquisitively carved dandelion Clocks, renowned for their accurate (Karovian)
timekeeping.
CONSTITUTION
Karovia is ruled autocratically by the sovereign who
occupies the Butterfly Throne.
Hereditary aristocrats who form The Grand Council
assist the monarch.
The hereditary First Minister is Count Alexis
Sennapod.
The standing army of 50 is commanded by General
Commander in Chief, Count Ivan Kaos, and the Navy, consisting of 35 able
seamen by Rear Admiral Count Boriz Zinkit.
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Army family on leave |
A Palace painting by Roger Manning (Grandpa
Manning in centre) |
Naval Visitor
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RELIGION
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Religion is of the Eastern Orthodox variety and
follows the teachings of Saint Ludicroz, one of the disciples of Coravius.
The present Archbishop declared freedom of worship in 1886, and
restored the Great Dandelion Clock in the cathedral from which all
Karovian time is measured
A new fund is being raised currently for the second
renovation of this famous clock wind speed regulation mechanism.
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The dandelion clock winder.
Paul George, in the black of night. Special Dandelion
seed Bellows under wraps.
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CULTURE
The famous festival of Saint Dent de Lion, Patron
Saint of Dandelion Pickers, who was martyred in 1361, takes place on the
17th June in Slagisgud. The
Karovian National Amateur Dancers (KORDS) are well known beyond the
kingdom and hold a Clog Dancing Festival in July. A Butterfly Hunt takes
place in September in honour of Count Lucius Lepidoptro the great Karovian
naturalist, who sailed with Charles Darwin on the Beagle in 1831.
FOOD
Specialities include dandelion cake, dandelion and
goat wurst, dandelion cordial, beer and wine. Fresh truffles dusted with
desiccated dandelion seeds are also delicious to the weary traveller.
LANGUAGE
Ali mukat (All-ee moo-kat)
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Welcome
Dudeka (doo-deck-a)
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Fortune, good
luck
Zabort (Za-bort)
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Fine, excellent
Tic tic
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Good
Birnais tarovisch (beer-nice ta-row-vish)
Pleased to meet you, friend
Prazna (Praz-na)
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Thank
you
Murantic (Moo-ran-tic)
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Good morning
Alfrantic (Arl-fran-tic)
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Good
afternoon
Nostic (Nors-tic)
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Good evening, good night
Lai izit zuna (Lye-ee-zeet zoo-na)
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Be
seeing you, cheerio
Misa (Mee-sa)
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Yes
Na
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No
Ibla nasta?
(Ee-bla nas-ta)
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Can you help?
Sluch, sluchka (Slooch, slooch-ka) -
A
drink, a little drink
Mirnai tustig (Meer-nye toos-tig) -
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I need a telephone
Dacu (Da-coo)
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Over there
Dorn derun dordoi (Dorn de-run dor-doy)
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Down there
Iri ta pasna (Er-ree ta pas-na) -
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Let us go
to the hall
Asi drakna mukni nasda (A-see drak-na mook-nee nas-da)
He/she is a bit of a pillock
Ivata! (Ee-var-ta)
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Go away
Dit pirna its zargut mans tic! (Deet peer-na its
zar-goot mans tic) This Dandelion
drink is a good mouth-back smacker
Ali mukat ti itin yapuk zabort
(All-ee moo-kat tee ee-teen ya-pook za-bort)
Your welcome is very fine
Muru komin azadni pravni e Karovia i-ti veet (Moo-roo
komin a-zad-nee prav-
-nee ay Karovia ee tee veet)
We bring greeting from people in Karovia
Jera se inchinkanow baradomi (Jer-a say in-chin-kan-o
ba-ra-doe-mee) I incline
Towards you
darling
